Coming HOME: Growing with Grief

What is your artifact of healing?

“Oh, yeah. So my main artifact is the t-shirt. It’s this ratty skate shirt that I got in high school. But the main reason I wear it and why it’s my artifact is because it was during COVID, during lockdown, my grandmother was moved to the hospital.”

In our second portrait of the “Coming HOME: ReStorying U.S.” digital series, we embark on a profound journey alongside Tom Pandiske, a native of Valley Center, California. Tom shares with us his deeply personal journey of grief, a poignant tale of losing his beloved grandmother to the unforgiving grip of COVID-19, and how he chooses to honor her memory through his cherished artifacts and her invaluable teachings.

“And I was wearing this T-shirt when I got the notice that she was dying. And I didn’t have time to like, even, like, acknowledge what was going on. I was running errands with my sister. And we immediately drove as fast as we could 20 minutes to the hospital to see her. And I was wearing this T-shirt, I remember when she died.”

Tom’s story is a testament to the powerful connection between our belongings and the memories they hold. Even during challenging times, these objects serve as anchors to our past, grounding us in the love and legacy of those who’ve left us.

What lesson or values did she leave behind?

“So one thing that I still hold in my life to this day is if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it from scratch. And it was her motto when it came to cooking.”

Tom’s grandmother’s motto, “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it from scratch,” echoes through generations. It reflects the cherished tradition of preparing and sharing meals, a source of unity, and comfort in their family. Tom keeps this motto close to his heart as he learns to cook, honoring his grandmother’s legacy and the cultural traditions they both treasured.

“The one that kind of connects more to heritage is this geranium right here.” Tom’s connection to heritage finds its roots in a simple yet profound geranium plant. It recalls the scented geraniums his grandmother nurtured in her backyard, a fragrance that carries memories of home and childhood. This geranium represents continuity, bridging old and new loves, symbolizing the enduring bond that connects generations.

What myths have died since 2020?

“It’s mainly like facing your emotions, which is something we find so easy to do in American culture is to shut off our emotions. We have a very apathetic business mindset where at It’s like emotions aren’t the centerpiece art is not the centerpiece, it’s the money you can make off of it.And I find that disgusting.

And I found myself in that a lot, because I couldn’t face my emotions, especially when it came to grieving her. And I I think I’ve just learned to let them guide me in a way that like to trust my emotions because you feel lost without them, like you feel like nothing is happening, like time is just passing you by. But if you are able to, like actually sit with them, feel so much more of a whole person.

How do you stay connected to those you have lost?

As the nation approaches its historic 250th anniversary in 2026, we embark on a profound digital storytelling journey — “Coming HOME: Re-Storying U.S.” Our mission is clear: to help people heal through remembrance. We’re dedicated to capturing 250 heartfelt stories by 250, documenting the vibrant tapestry of America’s past, present, and future. In this remarkable project, we celebrate the power of stories. Each narrative is a thread woven into the fabric of our shared history, reminding us of our resilience, our diversity, and our unity. Together, we explore the rich tapestry of heritage, healing, and hope. Join us on this transformative journey as we pave the road to America’s 250th anniversary, one story at a time. 🌠🏡✨ #ComingHOMEseries #HealingThroughRemembrance #America250 #HeritageStories #HopefulFuture #DigitalStorytelling

Team Credits:
Featured Curator: Tom Pandiske
Michelle Kamau, M.A, Co-Creator, Photographer
David Brose, Co-Creator, Videographer
Victiashea (Tasha) Matthews Co-Creator, Facilitator